"He's gonna whip my Heathen arse"

I am much too callous.
Much, much, much too callous....

To care about the bushfires.

Now that must sound INCREDIBLY self-absorbed and horrible and absolutely and completely inhuman.

I mean, sure, I care that almost 200 people died and thousands of people lost their homes and relatives and friends and pets but... it's just not from the heart.

I want to care, I really do. But if I were to care it would be with all my heart, everything I have, and I just don't think that my heart could take that kind of anguish.

I think it's because I've had so much more of my own trauma that I don't have anything left in me to care about other peoples lives. That I have to reserve it for myself if anything ever happens to me.

That must sound even MORE horrible. But that's just how it is.

I do care. Remind yourself of that. But it's only because I have to and I'm supposed to and I should.


I really, really, really, really do wish that I could care.
I want to help people and I think that's a good thing. I want to help people to make them feel better and to make me feel better about not caring.

That's a very good thing, if you think about it.
Consider this: If I was a CFA volunteer with a huge heart that burst into tears upon hearing a story about a dead cat. That kind of person wouldn't be very helpful when it comes to putting out fires and saving townships.
But a callous being such as myself would be perfect for the job. I'd just do what I was told without a care in the world. More people would get saved by me than the cat-loving blubbermouth. No offense.

Hello, silver lining!


Worse thing is I don't feel bad about it.

Now that's pretty nasty.


You're welcome for sharing, lovelies.